Anxiety Attack

Big sister Erica is finally off to summer camp.

I think Chris is having a nervous breakdown.
He’s so worried about her that he can’t even sleep!
I keep trying to reassure him that she is having the time of her life,
but I don’t think he really believes me.

She’s probably not even thinking about us.
I’m sure we miss her more than she misses us.

Chris is feeling guilty because it’s raining.
Don’t kids love to play in the rain?

I’ll feel so much better when she comes home and tells us how much fun she had.

The good news is that she is not at home wondering why I am sick and tired all of the time. I have tried so hard to be a martyr, but it doesn’t seem to be working well. Chris says I look sick all of the time and I keep falling asleep in the car.

Erica probably has no clue that I’m pregnant. She’s never been around a pregnant woman, so she has no reason to be suspicious. But, she is eleven years old and being the drama queen that she is, she probably thinks I am dying of cancer and we’re not telling her.

I can’t wait until August so we can tell the kids what is going on!
Maybe Kayla will start being nice to me then?

In the meantime, I keep trying to imagine what our family life will be like next year. I’m overwhelmed.

When will I sleep?
If Mondays are crappy now, how crappy will it be when I have to get someone else dressed in the morning, too?
How will we pay for daycare?
Who is going to cook dinner?
How are we going to pay for Erica’s braces?
What will my body look like?
When will I talk to Chris?

I’m hoping I will cheer up by the time I’m beginning to show.
I wish I was more excited.
Today, I am just terrified.

At least I can alleviate my guilt by blaming it on the hormones…